A month and into the fifth week of social distancing and isolation later, we share our thoughts, experiences, and the ways that we continue to cope with this pandemic.

Hana Lee, Project Manager

It’s week four and things are becoming harder. I think for the past couple weeks I have been trying to distract my mind from going down that rabbit hole of bleak thoughts. Being physically active and connecting with friends has been no issue; it’s the times I’m mentally alone where the feeling of guilt and anxiety seeps into my head. There is real life harm and issues happening beyond my control to the people I love and I am completely helpless. Although I am not much of a prayer, I find myself whispering out loud pleading for good health and protection for anyone out there that needs it.

That being said, I absolutely treasure and value my time with my sister and doggos, making fun little videos to share with my parents, as well as working. Something about having work to do is energizing and stimulating. Also feeling very fortunate to have the ability to work from home and to work period.

Cristino “Tino” Lagahid, Administrative Manager

Split Tender

The days have blended together, yet each day holds a different weight.

Although the weight seems unbearable, I firmly honor the light that awaits.

I rise, I bathe, and dress in all parts of my self.

I protect, I serve, and nourish all parts of my self.

The call to the collective, to uplift those most hindered,

Divided by inequities, united by shared hope for the future.

Being kind to ourselves, and feeling all emotions through,

Let us tend to our sanctuaries, as we tend to the world anew.

Wilfred Galila, Media & Tech Director

It is apparent, regardless if you belong towards the introverted range of the personality type spectrum, that there is only as much time away from other human beings, most especially the ones you love or prefer to be with, that you would be able to stand; unless you are a monk, a hermit, or a sociopath of the highest order.

No, it does not feel like a vacation where you can just take it easy and relax, not with the looming cloud of uncertainty and doom with no definite end to it in sight. A part of you is always alert and on the lookout for the worst that could happen, but more eager for the moment when it is finally over. It reminds me of my grandmother’s stories about the Second World War, where they could not go very far from their home in the Philippines out of fear of an encounter with the Japanese invaders. Upon hearing news that the Japanese were approaching, they cowered under their house with the chickens without knowing when it would come to pass and when it would end. She lived to tell the story but was never the same. She stopped eating chicken for the rest of her life.

Weeks into this lock-down has been mentally challenging. All this precious time that we all of a sudden now have has allowed for philosophical ruminations of existential proportions. The disruption brought about by this pandemic is a stark reminder of the absurdity in the form of negative circumstances that perpetually lurks and waits to pounce and disrupt at random moments in our lives. We all have experienced having our personal lives disrupted unexpectedly and at inopportune moments. Now here we are all experiencing it again collectively. With the current breakdown of our society and daily lives brought about by this crisis, we are forced to confront and deal with the meaninglessness of our otherwise meaningful lives bolstered by our jobs and careers that define our status in society—jobs and careers that for the majority are under threat and for many have unfortunately disappeared.

We all scramble to regain some sense of normalcy and pressure ourselves not to waste all this precious time that we now have an abundance of but are somehow incapable of putting into good use, much less knowing what else there is to do other than the activities and responsibilities that we are used to doing. Somehow we have to be productive with all this time in our hands—learn a language, learn to code, make an album, write a novel, go on an anxiety baking spree, etc. These are just other ways of coping. And if it is working well for you or is something that you already do, then it is all well and good. But it is also fine, at times, to do nothing—to curl into a ball on the floor if you need to, gaze out the window and watch your thoughts go by, feel the feels, take a lot of naps just because you can, sunbathe, etc. We do not really know when this pandemic will be over (And it will be over. A vaccine is projected to be available as early as next year or maybe sooner) and the most that we can do right now is to deal with it in the best way we can and the best way that we know how.

This is a crisis that we have to deal with as a species. We are at war with an enemy that is not human yet one that we are a host to and which we spread. In Albert Camus’s The Plague (1947), an eerily relevant bordering on prophetic novel that tells about a fictional epidemic of a disease, transmitted from animals to humans, that ravages the population of the port city of Oran in the French Algerian coast through the eyes of its protagonist, Dr. Bernard Rieux, can be gained some wisdom on how to deal with this pandemic in our own seemingly small ways. Dr. Rieux, who first witnesses the rise of the epidemic by encountering dead rats and who then works in the front lines in treating the afflicted, says in the novel, “There’s no question of heroism in all this. It’s a matter of common decency. That’s an idea which may make some people smile, but the only means of fighting this plague is common decency.” Dr. Rieux was then asked what he meant by “common decency,” to which he replied, “I don’t know what it means for other people. But in my case I know that it consists of doing my job.”

Not all of us are in the front lines, but we can do as much as we can in fighting this pandemic. Other than doing what we can to survive as well as our obligations and responsibilities to our families and relationships, our most important job in these troubling times is doing what we can and what we are good at in the the service of humanity. For most of us, this job is to stay home, stay safe and healthy. It’s that simple. Yes, it may not be as easy as it sounds and it can feel mundane, even boring, but it’s the best thing that the majority of us can do right now. And, currently in the absence of a vaccine or a cure, this approach has been proven to work in dealing with this pandemic. Yes, we are flattening the curve. It is a reassuring thought and something that we can draw purpose and meaning from.

A change of perspective, even the slightest, helps tremendously. We are giving nature a break from us while we are forced to confront our very own natures through a forced separation from each other and our world. It is a humbling experience to be reminded that, in spite of our arrogance, we are not as powerful and above nature as we have believed ourselves to be. It is guaranteed that nature and the outside world will always be there as it always has been (and will continue to be long after we’re gone), but the full impact of this crisis on our lives and society remains to be seen. May we all come out of this changed for the better.

Alleluia Panis, Artistic & Executive Director

April 15, 2020 - Alleluia’s Journal

Today April 15, 2020 is the 31st day of the “shelter-in-place’ order. I took an early morning walk around my hood discovering unfamiliar residential streets, semi private alleys leading to rows of back-of-the-house driveways, walked on a street named Corona, just because of its name, dodged the few masked people I met along the way, and took in the blooming colors of this sunny spring day. I had hoped the walk would rev up my day. It didn’t. Even a tall cup of strong black coffee didn’t help.

March 16 was two weeks shy from In the Belly of the Eagle: Man@ng Is Deity’s world premiere—a project we have been developing for a year. We were in preparation at full throttle for upcoming activities of workshops, international Pilipinx arts convening, and an unprecedented large-scale site specific project. At different times within the six months prior, I had travelled to NY, Singapore, Bali, Philippines, Mexico, then back in time for the intensive rehearsal phase of this new work. Then the pandemic hit. The “shelter-in-place” ordinance was a hard stop, a sudden brake at top speed, an abrupt frozen stance mid-air.

We adjusted, somewhat. We each rearranged our living space to accommodate working remotely. Our weekly staff meetings and all meetings migrated to the virtual platforms. We discussed and brainstormed the relevance of each program. We grappled with the challenges of a production's technical requirement, dropped and ran with ideas and concepts when appropriate and checked in with each other, with artists, friends and family, near and far. We acknowledge the waves of emotions that come and go. We keep hope alive despite the distress, the fear of uncertainties, the horrific stories of the disease, the deaths, and the ineptitude of our nation’s leader. But we keep going because we must.

But on this 31st day of the reign of corona, I just had to accept it is one of those challenging times when motivation feels so out of reach and I try my hardest to remember and to appreciate that yesterday was very good day!

Coping with the Pandemic 2